I can't hear you

This, YES, This

Serodiscordancy

"As our first anniversary approaches, I call Melissa for myself. A week later, I take a seat in one of the health departments many windowless offices, where a sweet man talks to me about his partner of 20- (or it may have even been 30-) odd years as he slides a needle into my arm.

It's close to a 10-day wait, the free test. And it's 10 relatively worry-free days, too: I have faith in our adherence, in the precautions we've always taken. I have faith in prophylactics. The way his numbers have been dropping has confirmed to me what I suspected: that it is treatable, that it is quite live-with-able, after a month of vomiting and waking dreams. It wouldn't be that bad, a part of me says. Are you fucking crazy? another replies.

It's something you knew was a risk from the start. If you're smart about it, it's hardly a risk. Yes, but that doesn't mean you can permanently put it out of your head, can you? I don't worry it too hard, no. But now you can't help but worry. Worry is just an irrational byproduct of uncertainty. Keep telling yourself that.

Yes, I knew this was a possibility going in. Yes, I knew.

They don't call, the health department, at all; it's my responsibility to ring and check if the results for number 3948 are back. They are -- when can I come review them? Appointments. Always appointments with these people."

Read it read it read it read it. 

Get Away

I can't shake this anxious, closed-in feeling I've got right now. The twix I just ate didn't seem to help, although maybe some peppermint tea? Part of me wants to rent a car this weekend and drive somewhere remote. Or just drive and drive. Not that I monopolized my parents' car that much in California, but there were plenty of opportunities to drive down Alpine Road into Portola, and there was always the tantalizing promise of the beach just on the other side of the hills. Why is it I can never remember what I did to feel better that last time I was this anxious? Somehow staying in my pjs all weekend seems to be the worst idea of all.

I'd really just like to be someplace like this:

But do you ever find, even when you "get away," that you can't really get away from anything? 

Maison et Objets

I found a couple of new blogs to love - one of them is an interior design blog from Patricia Gray, who took this photo at the Maison et Objets convention in Paris:

It looks like something I would make with  my Wellesley hoop - if I hadn't given it to my little sister!

You're Welcome, World.

Don't you wish your girlfriend was weird like me?

Not being a couple-y person, and yet being one of a couple this year, Valentine's Day presented a bit of a challenge. I love celebrating with candy, spending time with my friends, and enjoying the generally cheesy atmosphere, but when it comes to doing something romantic with my significant other, I'm at a loss. I don't enjoy contrived romance, and romantic gestures actually make me kind of uncomfortable. So when challenged to create a V-Day gifty I came up with this:

A creepy horror-show of awkward

I'm a lucky girl, because I work with one badass crafter, perhaps known to you from from her blog, The Importance of Being Alix. We have all kinds of fun in the office,  including taking awkward staff photos for our new website. When I saw the montage of my face I knew I had the perfect gift opportunity to simultaneously amuse and horrify my poor, innocent boyfriend.

Here are instructions on how to create your own horror gift for that special moment with your special someone:

1) Don't make the mistake of going to a "real" camera shop. Take those suckers to CVS on a USB key and print them out - 9 each! - for the insignificant price of 20 bucks.

2) Get yourself a frame. I was looking for a tacky, montage-y thing (wedding style, but not so wedding that it looks like I'm getting my boyfriend a wedding present, can you dig?), but I couldn't find one suitable! Can you imagine!? Instead, I bought a modest, three wallet-sized black frame.

3) Embellish, embellish, embellish. I cannot stress this enough. Buy glittery nail polish, not one bottle, but two. Get those LED stars with sticker backs that you can switch on and off, for maximum tacky effect.

4) Take some time to subtlety slip away from your desk during the work day, so you can apply two coats on nail polish to your frame without anyone noticing. Advance preparation is for the weak!

5) Realize your failure to be subtle when you come back with a dry, but incredibly smelly frame that immediately stinks up the whole office.

6) Wrap it in that leftover tissue paper and ribbon your boss used for your Christmas present.

7) Surprise and delight horrify your unsuspecting love interest by forcing him to open his present while trying to order dinner.

See!? You too can have the perfect, romantic Valentine's date with these simply, easy-to-follow instructions (works best if your boyfriend accidentally knocks water all over himself immediately after).

Yours with love,
Awkward-sauce Truly