Dreams

Last night, I had a very detailed, vivid dream that I experienced open heart surgery. Then I biked through the lushest fields and woods I've ever imagined. When I woke up, I literally checked my chest for the scar.

This Summer

My it flew by, didn't it? I've been on a trip to France to see the little one (my Dad calls her "the littlest girl" which is a more adorable nickname than I ever would have thought him able to produce). It was essentially a week spent indoors with a baby either crying or sleeping or eating - exhausting but somehow a restful break from life. So far I've attended two weddings with another coming up in a couple of weeks, one requiring a road trip to Pennsylvania, the other a trip to Cape Cod and a five day family reunion of epic proportions. Never have all my cousins (except my sister) been in the same place at the same time!

Look, I don't want to bore you and I'm not feeling very clever at the moment, so let's just get down to brass tacks, shall we? This summer:

Trips taken:
Charleston
France
Pennsylvania
Williamsburg
Cape Cod
Ocean City

Money Spent:
All

Other Life Achievements (Coming at you [me] in September!):
Moving (lower rent, what up!)
New Job (If you know me, you know I'm producing a massive primal scream of thanks to the universe!)
New Choir Season (Managing Director this time - yikes)
Going to the mitten state to meet my gentleman caller's family (double yikes) (also going to a football game, and there is fear in my heart)
Old Man Stevens is getting married [this isn't really my life achievement - maybe I should start a new list]

Crap that has happened:
You know, all those trips, etc
Shit ton of brunching
Some grilling and picnics
Weddings
Oh yeah, my 24th birthday
Susan G Komen breast cancer walk
Slutwalk

Crap that has yet to happen:
Moving
Commencement of new job
New Choir Season
Mitten State
Old Man Stevens' wedding

Whew, most disorganized post ever. I have got to get some pictures up sometime as well.

Also, sorry for the long break from posting. See y'all soon!

Bad Eyes, Bad Eye Doctors [AN UPDATE]

I'm sure this saga is endlessly fascinating to all my poor friends who have had to listen to it over the past couple of weeks - I have gotten tired of thinking about it. And it's silly, really, it's only a pair of glasses. But I'm still MAD! I carefully selected the doctor based on largely positive reviews. I liked him, the office was clean and they seemed well-equipped. Then they started down this path of excessive flattery and incompetent work and I'm so irritated that I can't continue to see the doctor that I genuinely liked because his co-workers are unprofessional asshats.

I went back to Embassy Opticians yesterday to choose my replacement frames. Initially they left me alone but as they realized I wasn't going to chew them out for breaking my frames they got more and more friendly, falling into their habit of flattery - unbearable enough with one person but completely out of control when three people are talking over each other - until finally one of them (the store manager) said "we've had such bad luck with Martha's order, it's really too bad because she's so sweet!"

So. Sweet. "Bad luck"? No, you know what actually happened? You messed up my order, broke my glasses and assumed that if you flatter me, tell me I'm pretty and make all kinds of promises to get me what I need without actually getting me what I need, I won't get mad about it. Here's the thing: they were clearly right. In the face of all that niceness (fake as it was) I couldn't get mad. I felt mad, sure, but I couldn't express it. I just shrugged and said nothing, picked out my frames, and left. By the way, they gave me a loaner pair of glasses and furtively expressed that no one would ask for them back. They're probably hoping that I don't write a negative yelp review. Next time I go in there I should tell them exactly why I'm never going back. We'll see if I actually do it.

Ask yourself this: if they had messed up the glasses of a 23 year old man, would they have tried to ease his irritation by complimenting his bone structure? I think not. Somehow calling a guy "sweetheart" doesn't have the same power.

Bad Eyes, Bad Eye Doctors

I decided, after much squinting, brow-furrowing, head pain and frequent/furious blinking (and when I was running out of contacts) that I needed to go to the eye doctor for a little update. After some searching on yelp, I found a place near-ish work called Embassy Opticians. Scheduled an appointment, got psyched. I love getting new glasses. I went to the eye place about three weeks ago, had a good visit with the doctor, was prescribed reading/computer glasses to wear over my contacts, switched to "biofinity" contacts (which are great and super squishy) and got excited for my frames to come back.

Oh friends, I thought it would be so simple. How wrong I was. When I went to pick up my distance glasses and contacts (three days later than they said they would be ready), I basically tried them on, determined they were good and left the store. For some reason I didn't notice that the frames were all wonky and one side was a different shape (!?) than the other. Next morning I go back, they say they'll fix them, but they have to order new lenses. Meanwhile, by the way, they are calling me sweetheart, doll-face, honey, you name it. It's the creepiest thing in the world. I was also getting complimented on my excellent bone structure and all around style/beauty. Gee thanks, now give me the glasses.

ANYWAY. The lenses finally came in (please keep in mind that I'm still waiting for my reading/computer glasses, which are supposedly on the way. hm) and I took my glasses over this morning. Adding to the confusion is the presence of the regional manager who seems to be a reasonable man, not inclined to overly effusive compliments and strangely personal monikers, and apparently concerned (as was I!) about the frame situation. This other guy, Don, tells me not to worry about it, he'll fix it right up "honey" and that the regional manager doesn't know anything (uuuuuh??). Fixing the frames and lenses was only supposed to take 15 minutes, so I decided to wait. 10 minutes later, Don comes out of the office and says childishly, "Now you're not gonna like Don anymore!" "Why?" said I. "I broke the frames," said he.

"WHAT THE LASKDJFLAWKEHGSLADKFJASOIGUASEOIRUQ@#$^)(#*$RALSDV XLCVASLDTHASEFASDH," said I (silently, in my head).

Out loud: "........."

Not to worry though friends, don't be alarmed! There is no cause for concern! Don will be picking out frames from their selection that will both fit the lenses they already have AND be "as delicate and beautiful" as I. They cannot confirm that they will be ready in a week, which is when I will need them for sure (I'm not travelling out of town without my glasses!).

Let's recap, shall we? Here's where I am:

1) Out $750
2) With lovely advanced contacts (not even this place could screw up that order, thank goodness)
3) No distance glasses
4) No reading/computer glasses (and no estimate as to when they will arrive)
5) STILL NO PRESCRIPTION (no matter how many times I ask it never seems to be ready)
5) No guarantee that I will be receiving a quality product for which I paid BIG BUCKS
6) Newly doubtful that I even need reading/computer glasses, and thinking I may have been duped into an unnecessary purchase

Going back tonight after work for round, what is it now, 6? 7? Prepared to take them to the mattresses if I must. Though they may think I'm a sweet, pretty, naive young girl, they will soon be made aware of the steely tiger bitch I only bring out for special occasions. I'll keep you appraised of my progress.

Steely Tiger Bitch

Embroidered Dustjacket

Is this not the coolest thing ever? Penguin commissioned this book cover (along with two others you can see here). Yeah, I wish I could embroider like this. Awesome. 

A Shameful Not-So-Secret

I am a feminist, sometimes rabidly so, and I can't imagine living...no wait, I can imagine a scenario in which I'm treated with absolutely no respect, but that's a different story. The point is, even though I am a feminist, I think I would have been really good at life say, 100 years ago. Why? First of all:

Because I would rock these dresses. Seriously. Also, I'm a hat person. Second of all, spending my days reading, arranging flowers, learning French and playing musical instruments would be my ideal life.

So today, when I would rather be living in a novel, this television show, or any other place other than the one in which I currently whine, I'm going to conveniently ignore all the crap that goes along with being a woman 100 years ago, and think about how nice it would be to have someone else pay for my life while I learn to play the piano.

If I could do anything right now

I would play with a baby elephant in Thailand.

Wouldn't you?

My Talent

I saw this on Drew Barrymore and read that it was Jil Sander Spring 2011 RTW:

Then I saw this on Kate Bosworth and read that it was also Jil Sander Spring '11 RTW:

Then I saw La SWINTON wearing this on the red carpet and I said, "JIL SANDER. SAME COLLECTION. SWINTOOOOON!":

Fast forward to this week. I saw Florence Welch (of Florence and the Machine) wearing this Givenchy Couture Dress:

And then, just now, I saw Carine Roitfield (soon-to-be-former-Editrix-in-Chief of French Vogue) wearing this and I said "Givenchy Couture. SAME COLLECTION.":

This, my friends, I do believe, is my only talent in life. 

Jil Sander, Spring '11 RTW: http://www.style.com/fashionshows/complete/S2011RTW-JLSANDER

Givenchy Spring '11 Couture: http://www.style.com/fashionshows/complete/S2011CTR-GIVENCHY

Better Late Than Never

A Total Non Sequitur

Did you know that the baby-faced star of Tron: Legacy is also the rugged young man who set my heart a-flutter in Country Strong (yeah, that's right, I saw it. You wanna mess?)?? I'm still kinda in shock. Like, this guy:

Baby-faced, right?

Is also this guy:

Rugged, no?

Looking at the two pictures I still have a hard time seeing it. Behold the power of facial hair!

PS Perhaps we shouldn't discuss how disturbing it is that I found his red-necked, country singer character so attractive. I mean really, that much plaid is always a bad idea.